What makes vulnerability so powerful? Why do we connect with stories? This past Sunday my pastor shared a story about being free and vulnerable and I was captivated. Everything in me wants to be able to connect and communicate with people in such a way that they feel what I feel. Somewhere in the middle of his sermon I had one of those “aha” moments and realized that we have to be vulnerable in order to connect with others.
So I started searching for information in the same place everyone should YouTube. I just came across a video from the TED conference in 2010 by Brene Brown titled The Power of Vulnerability. It is about 20min and well worth the time if you can spare it.
For you busy people who don’t have 20min here is two major points that I took away from the video.
1) The people who live whole hearted have 3 like characteristics
Compassion – to be kind to themselves first and then to others because as it turns out we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
Connection – they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be.
Vulnerability – they believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
2) The same thing that causes pain heartache depression discomfort is also the thing that frees us to live to love to be grateful
click here for video
What are some of the things that make you feel vulnerable?
The difference between a fan and a friend is the relationship. I am a fan of Will Smith and If I am not careful I can trick myself into believing that we are friends because I know a lot about him and I follow what he writes says and does. Sadly I must admit I am only a fan because if you were to ask Will Smith about me he wouldn’t know me. There is no relationship.
Paul says it this way
But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—…. (Galatians 4:9a NIV)
Wow! He knows me. This is the difference between a fan and a friend or a fan and a son/daughter. Think about this for a second. What would the creator of everything say if he was asked about you? Would it be “that’s my son” or “I don’t know them”.
Are you a fan or a Son?
A son has authority and is confident. If a fan and a son both came before God how differently would they act? How different would their questions be if they were to ask something of God? What would they expect to receive? The fan would hope his request was granted to him. The son on the other hand would have full confidence that whatever he asked, no matter how small or large would be given to him.
Don’t get caught up in just knowing a lot about Jesus. Build a relationship and be known by Him.
Most of us (and by most of us I mean ME I just don’t want to feel like I’m the boat by myself) avoid change like it is the plague. Over the last year change has been a consistent companion in my life and the results of that have been seeing dreams and wishes start becoming realities. So what happened? What changed to take me from avoiding change and running from it at nearly all cost to embracing it?
Someone once said “we change when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.” this is a picture of disgust and I would second that desire is equally as strong an emotion. That when you want something more than you want safety and security that it also will drive you to change.
Well my life one year ago was filled with both of these emotions. I was sick and tired of not being able to provide financially for my family. I was also in time debt and I didn’t want someone else being the father and mentor to my kids. I wanted to be there for them and my wife and to be the leader of my family. And this is just two points off of a five page list of things that I wanted or didn’t want in my life. Long story short my disgust with where I was and my desire for more out of life mixed together with wisdom from other mentors in my life, who were where I wanted to be, gave me everything I needed to overcome the fear of change.
I want to leave you with a few point and a few quotes that may help you change into the man or woman you want to become.
Make a list of desires and disgust (desire list is things that are not currently true that you want to be true) (disgust list is things that are currently true that you don’t want to be true)
Find a mentor who is where you want to be that will help you get there.
Read good books
Believe in yourself and your dream
“For things to change you have to change” Jim Rohn
“We would all die for our children, but are we willing to change for them” If we don’t embrace change we will never be able to give our best to our kids. Bob Donnelly
It’s not what happens that determines your lifes future but what you do about what happens. You see the same wind blows on us all and it’s not the blowing of the wind that determines where you go it’s the set of the sail. And the sail is your better thinking. Jim Rohn.
Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.
Change your thoughts and you will change your world. What are some of the changes that have made a difference in your life?
What is my purpose? Why am I here? What is the meaning of my life? These are questions that most of us are plagued by and drive some of us to the cliffs of insanity. I remember asking these questions for months on end and then I read a book that posed the question a little different than I had ever thought. The author said instead of asking what is the purpose of my life ask what can add purpose to my life? Instead of looking for meaning Look for what would make your life meaningful? So this simple twist in how I was thinking followed by these 6 questions started answering my “Purpose” question and I am sure will help you as well.
1) who do I want to become? If I see myself in 1-3-5 years from now, what kind of character do I want to have? What kind of person do I want to become?
2) why do I want to become that type of person?
3) how do I become that type of person?
4) what do I want to do?
5) why do i want to do it?
6) how can I do it?
These 6 questions are so simple but I had never seriously put much thought behind them. My answers to my Purpose question started coming when I clearly defined ON PAPER who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in my life. The 2&4 questions I thought were irrelevant until a great friend and mentor of mine explained to me that unless I know why I want what I say I want; that I would never make a plan, stick to the plan, hold myself accountable or persevere through the hard times that the 3rd and 6th questions were sure to bring. Then questions 3&6 how do I become who I want to become and do what I want to do? A life lesson gave me a jumpstart on these. The lesson came from a talk that Jim Rohn gave where he said “we are all creatures of habit and for things to change you have to change. It starts by building small disciplines that lead to greater and greater disciplines.” So to answer my 3rd and 6th question I looked at what would need to be true in my life for me to accomplish what I wanted too. And that gave me a list of disciplines that I needed to start developing and fears that I needed to start overcoming and this gave me a road map of sorts that is leading me to becoming the man I want to become and I am sure that same road map can work for you also.
What are some other questions or steps that have helped you answer the “Purpose” question?
Please leave a comment. I would love to hear some of your answers.
These 6 questions came from a book called The Top 10 Distinctions Between the Millionaire and the Middle Class by Keith Cameron Smith
Great book that is a must read for anyone wanting more out of life.